My Last Last Name

It totally amazes me sometimes where I am now as opposed to where I was less than two years ago. I mean sometimes I get so overwhelmed by it all that I cry as I think about it. Flash back to two years ago... It was November 2011. Just weeks earlier I filed for divorce and I spent most of my time in what I called my own suite. It was the formal living room to the house that my then soon to be ex-husband purchased in 2008. It was the opposite side of the house where he occupied the back den, master bedroom and bathroom. In the beginning of 2011 I had decided I could not pretend anymore and I was tired of alternating who had the room on what night so I made the livingroom into my own. I had my own double bed, some recliner chairs, a couch, cable tv and whatever I needed. Worry and a lack of faith was the only thing preventing me from moving out completely. I had never owned a house before and I was so scared of just walking away from the payments, I mean just totally thinking forget it. Our house payment was a little over $1,400 and I felt like I would be sued and did not know what to do about it. I also knew that if I did leave, he would not be able to make the payment-which is why I stayed. As the holidays drew closer I dreaded it. We were known to fight on the holidays instead of being happy like everyone else. There was always something that turned into an argument on the holidays. We rarely said fewer than a few sentences to each other every day and it was just a bad situation. I can honestly say that in 2011 I do not even remember what we did for Thanksgiving. I do remember that Anthony wanted to go to Merced with his friends but I wouldn't let him go because I thought it was too far. I have to admit it was one of the most imprtant decisions of my life. Just days later those friends on that trip were in a tragic car accident and two of his friends died. It was an emotional time. Words his friend used to tell people inspired me to make me understand that I was the only one who was responsible for my own happiness. It was then I realized that you can't take life for granted and believe you have forever. Then it was December. My son was sad and emotional about losing his friend and me and the girl tried to be there for him as much as he would allow. His dad just didn't really get it and went on with life as usual. He didn't really understand how hurt my son truly was over the loss and there was a lot of tension which led to more arguments. The kids and I bonded together during this time and I knew a change had to be made but I didn't know how. One evening in December my ex-sister in law and now my friend invited me over to her place for dinner. It would be the night that totally changed my life. She was there with her roommate and my nephew and a guy I didn't know. I came to find out it was a guy she was dating. They were wonderfully happy and so well in sync that it made me envious. They had that chemistry that people search to find. I asked them where they met and they told me Match.Com. Really? I thought-wow it looked like this was a great match...maybe I could be so lucky. They told me I should try it and I was amused, I really wanted to do it. I went home and logged on to my computer and checked the site out. You can join for free and make a profile but in order for it to work at the sites full potential you have to pay for one of their plans, otherwise communication with others on the site is pretty much impossible aside from winking. I remember thinking here I am this person who is still technically married even though I have filed for a divorce but have only tried to serve the paperwork. How would that even work? What would I even say..."Yes I want to get to know you but I am still technically married, hopefully soon to be divorced oh and by the way, I still live in the same house as the soon to be ex husband." It sounded crazy and I didn't go back for a few days. The truth is, I wasn't looking to go on the site and find a boyfriend, I just wanted to get out in the world again and hang out and find myself-it's hard to understand if you have never been there. Christmas came and went and by New Year's eve I decided to just pay for a month and see what happened-another important decision. If you have ever been on an online site you will agree that there is a lot of sifting you have to do-so I did. I saw the profile of a guy that was handsome and seemed really nice. I was put off by a photo he had that made him look high maintenance and I winked but didn't leave him a message...until a few days later. He responded and we started texting each other every day little by little. We decided to meet for lunch one day and we instantly clicked. It was like we had known each other forever. We were so at ease with other and it just felt right. I can't explain it but I knew that I wanted to be around him. We were very open and honest with each other and I told him about my soon to be divorce and my living situation. I told him I had two kids and he told me he had none but that it was not an issue if he never had any of his own (which was great because my baby factory closed down!) What can I say we just clicked. He got me and I got him. He embraced my outgoing and humorous personality because he was the same way. Back at the house the tension had turned into explosions of fighting and a lot of the time it wasn't even me and him but equations of him and the kids and sometimes me. A friend of mine was finally able to serve him the divorce papers after a few failed attempts. It was hard to serve paperwork to someone who never answered the door but looked right at you through a window-ugh! One day I remembered about a public meeting he would be attending, and that's when it happened. After that, things became worse at home because it was official. My years of telling him I was leaving were finally coming to an end and happening and it was hard for him to grasp. He also had the realization that the space he put between him and the kids in fighting with them for so long would probably make them want to leave with me as well. Two weeks before February 2012, I found an apartment and started packing the most essential things accumulated in a span of almost 20 years in boxes. It was done and he knew it. He would get mad and knock over my neatly stacked boxes. He would start arguments and Anthony and Adri would tell him to leave me alone-protecting me. I spent the first night in my new apartment on a Friday and officially moved our things in on a Saturday. It was the first time that Ant met the person in my life from match. Ad had already met him and things went just as they were supposed to and they were ok because they saw the changes I was making in my life for the betterment of all of us (is betterment a word?). Time in my apartment was spent finding myself again and doing things I wanted to do. The kids were happier and had this place where they didn't have to fight everyday. The divorce procedure went fairly smoothly aside from getting paperwork sent back to me over and over. I finally had to get the help from a paralegal to get it done right and on July 19, 2012 I became the person I had not been for so long...Tembi Mina Morales. It was one of the most happiest days in my life-I suddenly felt so free, it was an amazing feeling. Then came November a year ago. That's when me and the person from match.com (I call him Miji) decided to take our relationship to another level. We moved in to a house together with the kids and we haven't looked back. It's a house in a quiet neighborhood just big enough for the four of us and a few pets. We pay all of our bills and have a little left over. We are happy. It's a simple life and I look forward to going home every night where as before i looked forward to going to work to just get away. The crazy fighting that used to exist exists no more. Just the other day Adri told me that they both feel safe at our house and it made me teary eyed. We have lived there for a year and this year we went into our new lease as newly engaged. Miji asked me to marry him on August 18th of this year and of course I said yes. He has turned our lives around (with the help of God of course). I believe he was my destiny, my Godsend, my soulmate. I am such a better person because of him and he balances out all my flaws. I cannot imagine what life would be if I had never met him. I am thankful each day for the way life has turned out. In July 2014 I will become Tembi Mina Tovar...which will be the last name I will ever have.