My reflection time is when I am driving the 18 minutes it takes me to get to work. This morning I had a Beyonce/Stevie Wonder song in my head called So Amazing. I really love this song-it's really beautiful. I pulled away from my house listening to this song just as Miji was opening the garage to leave for work. I blew him a kiss and was on my way. As I listened to the words of this fabulous song I thought about where I am in my life right now and I almost started to cry. I am finally at peace in my life with an abundance of happiness that I have never felt together all at once. Miji and I have been together for a year and a half now and everyday gets better than the last. We made a promise to each other from the very beginning that we would never go to bed mad...and we never have. I have heard this advice from many people in life but they are really words of wonder. Miji and I really just get each other. This man makes me laugh and lets me be myself and loves me unconditionally. He is the kind of man that every girl wishes for...my Prince Charming.
Last year on Father's Day was the first year in many years that I was not with my kid's father. I was one month away from officially being divorced. My Dad passed away in 2005 so my day consisted of wishing my brother and Miji's dad a Happy Father's Day. The kids were getting to know Miji and adjusting to life without their father being in it much. Theirs is an uncertain relationship. They talk on the phone once in a while but there is not much of an effort made to see the kids. It's sad and frustrating at the same time when I think about it. I mean I want them to have their dad in their life, but I refuse to force it on them. The kids and I went through many trying years with their dad. We went from a world of fighting and yelling almost every day to our now days of simple happiness. When we first moved out and I would send them to their dad's to stay overnight and I would get called either just a few hours later or early the next day begging me to pick them up because they were fighting or he kicked them out and threatened to call the police on them...like I said it was really hard. After that became a pattern I told them they didn't have to see their dad unless they wanted to and that Miji and I would do whatever they wanted in regards to giving them rides to whereever to spend time with their dad at their discretion.
I cannot imagine going more than a few days without seeing my kids so it is hard to wonder what is going through his mind. It is somewhat frustrating because I know he thinks he is a wonderful father-I mean why not, he calls his kids every few days. In the past year and a half I have never asked him for anything-not a dime and sadly he hasn't ever offered other than paying for half of a high school yearbook and less than ten times for fast food with the kids and maybe something from the mall for our daughter. In his eyes that makes him Father of the year. What he does not realize is that Miji and I have been the ones dealing with the every day. We were the ones comforting Adri when she had a broken heart. We were the ones teaching Ant to drive and cheering him on when he got his first job. We were the ones who were the taxi, the ATM, the cooks, the caregivers. Miji and the kids have grown closer as the days have gone by. When the kids want or need something or need advice or have a question they usually go to him first. Though Miji has never had kids of his own he has blossomed into this father figure for my kids that is simply wonderful. He has a way of taking an incredibly bad situation and making it all ok. He has been there for us this past year and a half when we needed a shoulder to cry on or a rock to lean on.
He is the father figure that the kids have always needed in their life but have never had as a whole until now. With their dad there were pieces of what they needed but never really the whole thing and while that is sad I am happy that Miji is there for them to be what they need as a father figure. We made a card and got him a T-shirt that says "This is what Awesome looks like!" When I handed it to him early Sunday morning I could tell he was really happy. He thanked the kids and I and later told me thank you for giving him his first Father's day. It truly brought tears to my eyes.
The very next day I got a voice mail from the kid's dad on my work phone telling me that he talked to the kids on father's day but then going on to tell me that I didn't make the kids on my own so I should acknowledge him with a phone call or a card telling him to have a happy father's day. I was floored. After giving it some thought I called him up-no answer and left him a voice mail telling him that he is absolutely right, I did not make the kids on my own but I sure am their only parent who is raising them without any offers from him for help. I also reminded him that we were divorced and I was under no obligation to wish him a happy father's day, I mean why should I celebrate him only because it was father's day...every day should count with him being a father to the kids! I never got a call back from him with his response to my message and as the day went on I realized the lyrics to Alicia Key's song "Brand New Me" is my theme song. If you have never heard it, look it up-great song! My favorite part of the song is this...
"If I talk a little louder, if I speak up when you're wrong
If I walk a little taller, I've been under you too long
If you notice that I'm different, don't take it personally
Don't be mad, it's just a brand new kind of me
And it ain't bad, I found a brand new kind of free"
(Shoutout to Adri for showing me the song!) But it's true...I am free. I am happy. We may not have all the fancy things some people have or all the money in the world but we all have each other. We learn from each other every day and this is the life I always envisioned for me, for us. I feel like we have come a really long way from where we were for so many years just a few years ago. I feel grateful every day and I feel SO AMAZING just like Beyonce and Stevie Wonder sang to me on my way to work this beautiful day.
