Amanda

I was lying in bed thinking of my mom the other day as we watched a new show on TV. The episode was titled OLD PEOPLE and it was about how we treat our parents as they get older. After watching it, I felt guilty like I need to spend more time with my mom. I have so many memories of my mother from when we were growing up and thinking about them now just makes me laugh, but back then, she totally made me crazy! I remember my mom took some time off after her mother died and I was home with her one day. I must have been about 9 and I was being an extreme little maniac. My mom gave me plenty of warnings that I ignored. She disappeared into her room and emerged with my dads five inch thick leather belt. She had it in for me and she was going to beat my butt! The funny thing is she couldn't catch me, although she tried. I darted in and around and over and under the furniture. Finally in her frustrated state she stopped and she was about to give up until she saw Amanda. Amanda was this little blonde haired white doll that I carried everywhere. I thought it was funny because my mom was always trying to make us declare we were white (we were also half Mexican) but we never would say that we were white. We would say We are Mexican and it would drive my little Caucasian mother crazy! Back to the story... So there was Amanda just laying on the coffee table and my mom took one look at her and one look at me and she started beating Amanda! I started screaming "You're killing my baby!" and she smiled kind of wickedly and kept on. I remember Amanda had those creepy dolls eyes that would close when she was laying down and open when she was sitting up and I remember her little eyes opening and closing as she was being plopped all around the coffee table with a belt. I really got lucky that day. Who could blame her for smacking the crap out of my doll...better her than me! I understood when I got older I mean her mom had just passed away and she was filled with grief on top of having a daughter who was a maniac! Lots of stories about my mother. She is quirky and does things we don't understand. She thinks Bakers egg and cheese burritos are the best thing ever. She thinks all that you can do on a smartphone is cool. She asks us to make copies of the CD we play as she rides in my car (it's music on my Bluetooth. She carries certificates of authenticity for her jewelry in her purse (just for shits and giggles I guess. She puts our names on her things with post its so we know who gets it when she is no longer here. She tells us how her AOL account is acting up (YES! They do still have AOL in case you didn't know-I know I didn't know that! She once made a turkey and a chocolate cake just for dinner for her and her hubby. Lots of memories of my mom. There was a time I never knew if I would see her again when she lived in Texas, but sad circumstances brought her back and now she is here just 15 minutes away. My mom might drive me crazy but looking back at my Amanda story, I know she put up with me when I drove her crazy.

Rainy Day Blues

It's a well known fact that Sundays get me down, I mean I have to go to work the next day...I guess we all do.  But add to that a rainy day at home.  At first I thought let's watch a movie so we did.  A Star is Born with Barbara Streisand from the 70s.  It used to be one of my favs.  The songs started happening and I was taken back to my childhood where I knew that whole soundtrack.  I was happy and singing along with them.  Then it started to go downhill.  John Norman cheats on Esther then he dies in a car accident and I started crying behind my pillow so Miji wouldn't think I was crazy...as an adult I have to say it's a sad movie!  It ended and I was happy then my casseroles were done.  I took one to adri and her boyfriend and then I got sad again.  She's always over there and antt's always with his fiance and my grandbaby and I started missing the kids (even though it's glorious having the whole house to ourselves)yes, I do miss them sometimes.  The kids are getting older and it's just how life goes.  So then we eat my glorious casserole and let me tell you, yes it was glorious.  Back to thinking...ugh I'm fat and this yummy crunchy goodness is not helping.  I cleaned the kitchen and thought while mijis playing batman I'm gonna pinterest.  Another bad idea...pins of cute clothes for skinny girls, pretty actresses who are thin and then yummy recipes, I'm never going to be as skinny as those pretty girls to get in those clothes because of all the damn good recipes. Now as I sit here at close to 6pm I'm realizing the weekend is close to an end...Sunday blues go away:(

It's Ok...

My brother tells me I'm like my mother.  I think he's right.  My mom is a worrier, at least she used to be.  I'm noticing a lot more as I get older I get crazy worried about crazy things. Plumbing makes me crazy.  I guess that areas from issues when I owned a home and plumbing was a constant issue.  That whole house had issues but plumbing there was Mickey mouse and just messed up.  Now when there's a hint of a drip or the smallest leak I freak out.  We had an issue come up with our taxes we just did and my imagination and worries started running wild...only to find out it was a number in the wrong place.  I tried to downsize my purse and then panicked about a bill I thought I forgot about which wouldn't have been a problem in my big purse where I carry checkbooks,check registers and my handy monthly excel spreadsheet which lists everything there but my little purse didn't have all that inside.  I couldn't wait to get home to check on it and was relieved to find out everything was ok.  I worry about the kids when they're not around, about their futures.  I worry about miji driving everyday and we'll I guess you could say I worry about a lot.
For so long I never had someone in my life I could turn to to tell all my worries to who would tell me it's ok, who would tell me that were in this together.  The first time around it was like I had 3 kids.  I felt like I had to figure everything out myself.  I sometimes try and be that person still until Miji reminds me that I don't have to be the one to figure everything out and that we are in this together. I guess I'll always worry but at least I'll have him to tell me that everything is going to be ok and what can be better than that to a worrier like me:)

Time Flies...

It's hard to believe that at this time next month we will be on real babywatch! It seems as if only yesterday that my first born baby, my son was just a baby himself and now almost 21 years later he's going to be a Daddy.  It's weird how things change, how fast time seems to fly even when it doesnt.  There are so many things that I want to tell him to teach him about a family about raising a little girl, about so much.  But then again I don't want it to turn into a lecture as it will probably sound to him. I remember when I was pregnant with him and I heard those"lectures".  I didn't want to hear it and I just had to find out on my own only to realize that all those things my parents told me were right.  I wonder if he will ever reflect on the things I told him someday when he's old and I'm no longer here and he's watching his kids become parents....my how time flies.

It's All About Love

Today is Friday the 13th! Most people are superstitious about this date and try to avoid crazy things like black cats. For me it is a day that I feel is lucky. I met my Husband on Friday the 13th and that turned out to be the best luck ever! Today is also the day where people everywhere are scrambling to find the perfect gift for their significant other-(Ugh wasn't Christmas just two months ago?). For ladies in the office they will be waiting to see if a beautiful flower arrangement is delivered to them, and if not they get sad. When I was younger I used to think that I wanted a guy that would send me flowers, buy me chocolate, wine me and dine me and have rose petals leading to the candlelit bedroom. Now just thinking about that makes me laugh now that I am older. I think of it this way...Flowers are a waste of money, they die a few days later. Though I love chocolate I don't want a whole box of it because then I will get more fat and feel bad about myself. The wine-well, you can still give me that and maybe even dinner too, but just not out at a fancy restaurant where we will have to wait a long time to be seated in an overcrowded restaurant. As for the rose petals, that's just a mess I will have to sweep up later and I am so tired when I get home that I will probably fall asleep with the candle on which will pose a fire danger overnight...phew that was exhausting! The person from my past would find a vase laying around the house somewhere, put a few carnations in it and take them to my work. I am sorry to say that it usually looked sad and pitiful next to the beautiful flower arrangements all the other girls in the office were getting-so ya, Valentine's Day used to make me cringe. I remember I would always tell him that I never had a heart pendant necklace and that one Valentine's Day I would love to get one of those. 19 years passed and that never happened. I met my wonderful husband three years ago on January 13th and a month later would be Valentine's Day. He had beautiful flowers delivered to my office-red roses-my favorite. He bought me lotion and perfume from bath and body works and he handed me a little box. I had only known him one month and when I opened that little box there was the heart pendant that I had always wanted and it brought tears to my eyes. He had listened to me more in one month than the past person had for 19 years. It touched my heart and he continues to touch it every day. I have this wonderful man in my life who flatters me each day, who loves me with every fiber of his being and that means more to me than any fancy dinner, beautiful flower arrangement or anything else money can buy. Love is really what Valentine's day is about and if you have someone in your life who loves you whether it's a significant other, family, friend or pet then you are truly blessed not just on February 14th but every day.