On My Mind...

I have a lot of things on my mind lately and to try and  clear those things out I am going to blog about them!  Here we go...

First things first.  I recently bought a new car over the weekend and when I got home I immediately had buyers remorse-am I the only one who has that?  I am cheap and don't like to spend too much money on myself.  I love shopping at thrift stores and I am very much a bargain shopper.  Even when I bought my car recently I haggled to no end to get them down to the lowest they could go!  Still the thought of the slightly higher car payment and insurance payment creeps up on my thoughts as I try to push it away.  I mean I know it's all fine but buyers remorse is not my friend!

July in my family is a big birthday month.  First we have my mama who lives in Texas on the most american day of the year-4th of July.  She was born on her mom's birthday which is also the 4th of July (in case I wasn't clear).  Everytime I see something patriotic or just anything red, white and blue I always think of my mom and grandma.  Unfortunately we don't get to see Mom very often because of the distance between us and one day I hope we can go visit her in Texas again-it just always seems that schedules, time and money don't always allow.  I miss having my mom within close proximity to all of us.  She knows how to cook really good (for a white girl!)  She makes awesome chicken mole, spaghetti and chicken dumplings.  For 4th of July we used to barbecue and she would make her potato salad and we would do fireworks.  I miss being younger...I miss my mom (love you mom-stop crying!).  I don't really remember my grandmother too much.  I think she passed away when I was about 10.  I remember little things like her dresses she would wear and the tiny white cups with green decoration that she would drink coffee in.  I remember her kitchen-it's weird how you remember the little things like that.  Back when I was unhappily married I would drive to starbucks, get a frappuccino and just spend hours under the tree all by myself that my Grandma Jean and Grandpa Jim are buried under.  I would go there to find solace and peace.  I would talk to them about my unhappiness.  Perhaps they had a part in the peace and love I have found since then.  July 10th is my little girl's birthday-although these days she is not a little girl.  My Adri will be 17-Dang where have the years gone-its amazing how time flies.  I have so many hopes and dreams for this girl.  We may argue and not always see eye to eye but there are times I know she loves me like when we are watching TV or driving somewhere together and she says every few minutes "I love you mom".  It makes my heart swell with happiness.  She is so much like me it isn't even funny.  She is my little mini me and I would do anything I could for her.  I wish her all the love and happiness in the world.  Next up-July 19-My wonderful sister.  To me and my brother my sister is more a like a mom to us.  She is always there to make sure we are ok and has the biggest heart.  All I want for her is to be happy and I think she finally is-love her!  July 27th is my niece Jennifer's birthday.  Jennifer is no longer here with us.  She passed away way too early and we all miss her so much.  She was my sister's world and I know that our Jen-Jen is watching over us from heaven and I will be thinking of her that day.

Aside from birthdays is July 19th.  Now I know that I mentioned it was my sister's birthday on this day but it is also a significant day for me because it is the day my divorce became final last year.  The time has flown by so fast.  It is a significant day for me because in a way it is sort of my independence day-the day I finally became free-the day I got my name back the day I could truly start over again-and I have.  It's funny how this day there is always something going on.  Last year we went to see The Dark Knight Rises and of course it was my sister's birthday.  I remember setting my alarm to midnight last year and when it went off I knew I was divorced-it was a feeling I will never forget.  This year Ant scheduled his driving test to get his license that day-truly a milestone day.

This week I will finally be done with all my doctor appointments.  I scheduled an appointment to get accquainted with my new doctor and from there I had bloodwork appointments, well woman appointments (UGH!) and a few other appointments to check on some things I may share later.  I tend to get worried when I go to doctor appointments and I turn to Miji and tell him of my concerns.  He always knows just what to say and do and calms my worries.  He tells me that we are going to live a long and happy and healthy life together and that everything is going to be ok and I am just fine.  I wonder how I got so lucky to finally have a man in my life who makes me feel so safe and incredibly happy.  It's an amazing feeling.  I love love!!  Which brings me to something else that has been on my mind and I am sure the minds of many others...

I just want to say that I am so happy about the fact that anyone can legally be with who they want to be with.  Man and Woman, Man and Man, Woman and Woman.  Love is love and I am overjoyed that so many people will get to be with whoever they want to be with.  Oh I know there are so many who will disagree but I don't care.  The way I see it, why should it affect anyone who doesn't like it.  It really is none of their business and nobody is asking them to marry someone they don't want to so who cares.  Adri shares my thoughts and posted as much on her facebook page.  Of course she was ridiculed by people who once were her friends.  I know she is my daughter because she stood up to them and said what she believed in.  People tried to say it wasn't right and how she must not believe in God and I really feel sorry for those people.  We do believe in God and I know that God looks at us individually and the people we are and how we treat others.  Anyone who tries to tell us we are not believers of God makes me sad for them, because we are and I know in the end the only one I will have to justify my actions to is God-not anyone else.

Anyways, I think I have ranted on enough.  If I don't blog before Thursday I would like to wish you all a happy 4th of July-Stay safe and sane just like the fireworks...and thanks for listening!