It's All About Love

Today is Friday the 13th! Most people are superstitious about this date and try to avoid crazy things like black cats. For me it is a day that I feel is lucky. I met my Husband on Friday the 13th and that turned out to be the best luck ever! Today is also the day where people everywhere are scrambling to find the perfect gift for their significant other-(Ugh wasn't Christmas just two months ago?). For ladies in the office they will be waiting to see if a beautiful flower arrangement is delivered to them, and if not they get sad. When I was younger I used to think that I wanted a guy that would send me flowers, buy me chocolate, wine me and dine me and have rose petals leading to the candlelit bedroom. Now just thinking about that makes me laugh now that I am older. I think of it this way...Flowers are a waste of money, they die a few days later. Though I love chocolate I don't want a whole box of it because then I will get more fat and feel bad about myself. The wine-well, you can still give me that and maybe even dinner too, but just not out at a fancy restaurant where we will have to wait a long time to be seated in an overcrowded restaurant. As for the rose petals, that's just a mess I will have to sweep up later and I am so tired when I get home that I will probably fall asleep with the candle on which will pose a fire danger overnight...phew that was exhausting! The person from my past would find a vase laying around the house somewhere, put a few carnations in it and take them to my work. I am sorry to say that it usually looked sad and pitiful next to the beautiful flower arrangements all the other girls in the office were getting-so ya, Valentine's Day used to make me cringe. I remember I would always tell him that I never had a heart pendant necklace and that one Valentine's Day I would love to get one of those. 19 years passed and that never happened. I met my wonderful husband three years ago on January 13th and a month later would be Valentine's Day. He had beautiful flowers delivered to my office-red roses-my favorite. He bought me lotion and perfume from bath and body works and he handed me a little box. I had only known him one month and when I opened that little box there was the heart pendant that I had always wanted and it brought tears to my eyes. He had listened to me more in one month than the past person had for 19 years. It touched my heart and he continues to touch it every day. I have this wonderful man in my life who flatters me each day, who loves me with every fiber of his being and that means more to me than any fancy dinner, beautiful flower arrangement or anything else money can buy. Love is really what Valentine's day is about and if you have someone in your life who loves you whether it's a significant other, family, friend or pet then you are truly blessed not just on February 14th but every day.

Don't hate us...they're coming soon...

As you may know by my continuous postings of wedding photos and countdown for the last year, I got married in July. What a beautiful ad happy day it was. We planned so much for about a year and then it was gone too fast. Good thing there are pictures and a video so that I can remember our beautiful day. That was now almost a half a year ago and I have a confession...I still haven't sent out the thank you cards. I know what you're thinking,I am totally awful,right? I have them all written out and I have excuse that I do still need some addresses. I know, you're probably right um, shouldn't you have those addresses from when you sent the invitations? I would answer no. We sent out so many invitations, some at my house, some other places. My point is I need addresses...and stamps. I started to think we still had time. I truly thought the etiquette was that we had a year...but I was wrong...it was 3 to 4 months. Oh no I thought....I'm past due...people are going to hate us! So then I thought...Christmas cards. Why not send the thank you notes with Christmas cards so we could accomplish two tasks at once...good idea right...oh no I still need addresses! It's a goal I have to get this to happen, but now Christmas is so close...can I do it? So I would ask my FB friends and family, if you were at my wedding and are still waiting on a thank you note, please don't hate us...it's coming soon....hopefully by Christmas...and before Valentine's day. Cross your fingers!

30....29...

Okay now were down to the wire....30 days left until we hear wedding bells. Its funny because I have a countdown clock on my phone and it updates the day everyday at 5:00 pm. I go to work with one number and I come back with another. Today I left with it being 30 and at 5 its 29. Wow, can you believe it? It seems as if I've been on my wedding day countdown forever, maybe I have. Many of you who know me know my upcoming marriage is my second marriage, and im here to tell you it will be my last. Everything that makes me feel bridal right now I've never felt before. This feels like my first time. I never had the beautiful white gown, a wedding party of 25, flower girl, ring bearer, real flowers. I find myself giddy and excited and incredibly happy and in love. This is the man I was meant to be with, I truly believe he's my soul mate. We met 2 1/2 years ago and were as much in love as we were then, even more. So here on this 30th soon to be 29th day of my wedding countdown I can barely think of anything else. Please forgive me for my wedding posts and pictures. Im sure you all get tired of them but what can I say...im marrying the man of my dreams and that makes me the luckiest girl in my world!

49 Days Left

As I write this I am looking around thinking of all I have to do before our big day. At the end of next week we're having a Graduation Open House for Adri. Yes, she's finally done with school, she worked hard and pulled it off, just like I knew she could. Lots to do in June...graduations, birthdays, bachelor parties, bridal showers and checklists. I have mental checklists, checklists in my wedding binder and though I'm getting closer to checking things off, there are all the little things I need to do. We get response cards in the mail now pretty much every day, its exciting and me and Miji open them up together to see who's coming. I had my final dress fitting last week and it was amazing. I cant wait to wear it as I walk down the aisle to my Miji. There's wedding rehearsal, honeymoon planning and just so many details to pull together. I haven't really had too many bridezilla moments but I'm sure as the time continues to fly by, I might! So 49 days...let's do this!

Beautiful Flower

When I started this blog, I started it because it was a way for me to talk about my feelings and to document my life changes,a sort of diary to share. I used to have a blog that was sort of more my venting blog back when I was not as happy as I am now. These days I find myself at peace and happier than I have been in a really long time. It never once occurred to me that the person who was at the root of my unhappiness back then would never see this, I mean after all it is the internet where things are meant to be found. With that being said it finally happened after years of writing my blog that that person happened to come across it and proceeded to tell me about it in a voice mail. As I sat through the two minute voice mail I was taken back to all the times he used to leave me messages that would make me crazy and then I just laughed. I no longer have to listen to those voice mails and follow it up with an argument when I get home. Gone are the days of my "All kinds of crazy" blog and I've replaced it with Totally Tembi. The differences in the two are that I am happy now and you can see it in my blog. I don't have to mention him in my life anymore because he is no longer a part of my life so when he leaves the question on my voice mail "Am I just a ghost" I would reply basically yes. We share two things in life those being our kids and unless there is something we need to discuss about them, I don't need to hear from him and technically when our daughter turns 18 in July I won't ever need to hear from him since they are at the age where they are both adults and can make their own decisions about their relationship with him. He had a few words about the fact that i'm excited about my upcoming marriage and talk about it a lot on my blog...yes, because it's true! I am getting married to the person I believe is my soulmate and I love him so much. I will never apologize for it nor do I have to. I have come a long way from being that sad little girl who was once so easy for him to feel like he could control and I'm proud of it. I'm at my very best point in my life right now and my words reflect it. I'm glad he found my blog because now he can see what a beautiful flower I have blossomed into without him ever again.

Reflections of 2013...

Reflections of 2013... A lot of 2012 was spent trying to get all my divorce paperwork correct and finalized and the first half of this year, 2013, was spent cleaning up the remnants of that. The really big thing that I was worried about for so long was the house that we owned together and that had stopped receiving a mortgage payment since I moved out at the beginning of 2012. It seemed to take forever to get the house sold and then trying to convince him to move out because you don't own it anymore was pure chaos. It finally took a cleaning crew to go in and just throw years of existence in the trash because he refused to move it. In the months following all that drama came the evolving of that person getting back on his feet with much help from his relatives. It's finally at a point where he's alright and the kids aren't as worried about him as they used to be. Everyone is amicable and it took a long time to get to this place. The B Street house was totally refurbished by the guy who bought it from our short sale inside and outside and went up for sale for $249,000 which is totally crazy-I wonder if they disclosed it was septic like they failed to tell me when I signed the papers to buy it. It was a great weight lifted off my shoulder when I got the notice stating I didn't own it anymore-it was just another chapter in my life. Miji started working at his job he is at now and Anthony got his first job too which were blessings. Anthony also started driving-watch out Inland Empire! We had some crazy weeks there with all the adjusting of getting used to having his own car and paying for insurance and the two car payments that were left and learning how to handle a bi-weekly check. Sometimes families have to cross rocky waters to get to the smooth sailing but eventually it happened. What can I say, I am a mother and moms were put here to nag and give their kids a hard time but eventually when we're older we realize the reasons our moms did this was because they worry about and love us-maybe one day my kids will understand this too. I got a new car-well new to me it's a 2010 Nissan. I named my car Rosie and handed Carmen(my Honda)over to Anthony which he loves! I love my new car-even though it makes a noise I researched and wasn't happy with but at least Miji convinced me to purchase a warranty on it which I have not had to use. I am told the noise is mostly a nuisance so I turn up my radio and let Rosie take me where I need to go. I feel safer driving at night or in the rain which I hate to do but don't mind as much. We used to go everywhere in Miji's car which he calls Charlena but now we take mine. This seems to come in handy when Miji wants to sample different craft beers at the cool places we like to go to. Adri turned 17 and we took her to Santa Monica with her friend and we all had a blast. It's hard to believe that at this time next year she will be a grown up-18 years old and graduated from high school-where did all the time go? Then came August and birthdays galore. Miji, his mom and his aunt. For his Aunt we planned to be there at her house when she woke up so the whole family could sing las mananitas and celebrate with her. It was a great celebration and lots of fun but we got there at 4 am and we were tired. We dropped Adri off with her dad and Miji and I went home to get some rest-it was a sunday afternoon. I complained for him to wake up after sleeping for a few hours because i wasn't tired and I was bored and wanted to do something. I pouted and said "Don't you love me?"...he laughed and asked if I needed anything from the kitchen. He came back, told me to get up and he got down on one knee and proposed to me. He proclaimed how happy I have made him and how much he loves me. I cried, he cried and it was one of the happiest moments of my life. We called up his family who were still celebrating at his aunts house and told them the great news then went back to celebrate again, this time with champagne-it was a day I will remember for the rest of my life. he tells me he wanted it to be more elaborate but that the time felt right. I told him it was perfect just the way it was...then the wedding planning began. We found our wedding and reception venue and after endless hours of dress shopping I found my dress and fell in love instantly with the way the sparkles called my name...what can I say...I love sparkles. My birthday came and went... 41 years old. It's funny how when your parents were that age you think wow that is old but when you reach that age you're thinking...Hmmm, it's not so bad. Then came Ant's birthday and he turned 19-which to him is just one step closer to turning 21. Then halloween...then Thanksgiving...then Christmas...and now here we are looking back on the year and reflecting on all the things that happened to us, with people we know, with the world. We are all going to make our new year resolutions like giving up soda (that's mine!) or losing 25 pounds (that's mine too!) or whatever it is we need or want to do. Some of us will succeed with those resolutions while some of us will give up within a month or two. It's going to be a busy year for me, at least the first half. Adrianna will be done with school by February and will go back to graduate in June and I have to say that I am really proud of her. She got behind and had to change schools to regain her credits but she focused and will now be done sooner than she originally would have and I knew she could do it all along. Then of course is the wedding that I and a lot of people are so looking forward to in July. It feels like it is the first time I have been married even though it's not. But it's so different. I never had the proposal, the big poofy white sparkly beautiful dress, the in-laws who wanted to pitch in. It is going to be a wonderful day and there are approximately 193 days left! So much to do! This is my last new year's eve as a Morales and in saying that, I begin to think of my dad. I tell Miji all the time how my dad would have loved him and I still feel like my dad convinced God to help me find him. He knew we would make a perfect match. Oh how I miss my dad... So in closing and in reflecting, I would like to wish all of you a Happy New Year. Be safe and thankful for all that we are given each and every year...I know I am.

8 Days Before Christmas

December 17th is a day that I have had emblazoned in my mind on this day for the last 20 years. Wow-20 years-seems like a long time and I guess it is a long time. For the last two years I have thought that I could just block it out of my mind when it gets here, but no. 20 years ago today changed my life forever and things like that you can't seem to forget even when it's part of your past. Twenty years ago this day I met the father of my children. I fell for him hard and fast and got sucked into the most tumultuous relationship of my life. We did things backwards and had a son before we were married. There was never a proposal, marriage was just something we decided to do, then came our daughter. There was both good times and bad, but sadly there was more bad than good. we fought, made up, fought, made up...it went on for years this way. When you invest so much time and energy into a relationship it's hard to walk away even when you're unhappy. It becomes even harder when you have kids. I thought about getting a divorce for years but I was too scared to actually go through with it. I was afraid of the unknown and how I would make it through with two kids and one income. I was also scared of something he used to tell me that I eventually believed...Nobody is going to love you or want you, especially with two kids. I still hear the words in my memory. Isn't it strange how things like that stick with you? The kids got older and I gave in to the marriage more and more. I envisioned what my life would be like if I was happy. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't locked in some torture chamber unable to leave and there were good times, but I just did not ever think that this was my ever after. People used to ask me if I thought that he was my soul mate and I would quickly respond without hesitation-no! They would think I was crazy I mean we were married after all and I didn't think he was my soul mate, but truly, I never did. I didn't know that there would be a time I would not be with him and I started to doubt that I would ever find what I truly wanted and needed in a relationship because here I was, married to him. We renewed our vows because we thought maybe we could make it work and that would help, no. We bought a house together thinking we could be happy there forever, no. After we moved into that house things got worse and the fights became more intense and the words more harsh. The kids were getting older and wiser and it was not the way iI wanted them to remember their teen years-enough was enough. My sister once told me that one day I would reach my breaking point and know it was time to leave and I did. There is a song with these lyrics... "You can only go for so long doing the one you claim to love wrong before too much is enough you look up and find your love gone" Those words stuck with me and they became more true with each new day. I told him for years that I was leaving and one day when I reached my breaking point and worked up enough courage I finally did. My mom told me that one day I would look back at that time in my life and wonder what took me so long and she was right. Today I am the happiest I have been since the days I held each of my kids for the first time. The man in my life is the one that I know I was meant to be with and if people ask me if I think he is my soul mate there is not a doubt in my mind. He holds me and tells me things I never thought I would hear. He made me believe in love again and I will become his wife in 2014. Perhaps today's date will eventually fade away but if not, it's ok. I learned a lot from my first marriage, it made me stronger to be the person I am today. Had I not met him 20 years ago today I would not have been given the gift of my children, and I cannot imagine my life without them. They have been there with me pretty much from the beginning and I love them more than they will ever understand. I went through what I did mostly for their benefit and I have little regret. In all the bad that he and I went through, I don't wish him anything but the happiness and love that I have found in my new life, the one where December 17th is nothing more than 8 days before Christmas.